A Personal memo

I know, I know, this seems odd and unworthy of a blog, but hear me out. My wife and I have been married for 20 years this coming February 4, 2024. We’ve been through some rough patches, some created by family, some military turbulence, and some…me. Let me clarify the latter as that can throw some off. While I have had some things aggravated by military service, none have compared to the internal chaos that occasionally presents itself to the world as bipolar. In reality, we should not still be married and I thank GOD everyday that we’ve survived. Things are stable now and our relationship is much less volatile but, I will never lose those inner demons that make me uncharacteristically different than the rest of the world. I’ve carried zero friends into my 40’s, family has always struggled, and retreat in social encounters. It survived because of her. Her persistence, her dedication, her compassion to the eternal bond we agreed to. Over the years, I have placed blame on myself for failing, not doing enough, and being the reason we had so many complications. This did absolutely nothing for us or myself so I sought help and am still trying to work on my struggles. For me, these will never end, but there are things I can do to mitigate the turmoil. All of which, she stills helps me through. When I traveled, she fed the kids and something was ready for me when I got home. She brings a plate to me if I’m in the living room. All of this became a habit and, it wasn’t until I put my faith in something else and purposefully started to look inward at myself, that I realized I’m not living up to my end of the deal. I’m not saying there’s been a lack of love, lack of birthday presents, flowers on Valentine Day, and ‘I Love You’s’ for my wife. This boils down to, have I been loving my wife like GOD wanted me to? Most would quickly answer a resounding “YES”, because their marriage is simply bliss and perfection. That’s not meant to be demeaning to anyone, it’s simply human nature to insist our unwavering faultlessness. Let’s dig deeper.

Step into their shoes and leave your eyes to her

A quick note for some, not all, about what should (and should not) be done with our eyes and ears. This is something some have issues with in their marriage. Your eyes, ears, hands, body and heart are your spouses. There are some that believe simple gazing or flirtation is not innately damage. Put yourself in their shoes and truly ask yourself if there would be damage mentally. It is indeed lust of the eyes, whether you choose to believe it or not. Obviously, sexual encounters outside of the marriage are adultery and a sin.

God intentionally mentioned Husbands loving their wives

One of the foundational principles of a God-centered marriage is found in Ephesians 5:25, where the apostle Paul writes, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This is a beautiful passage, and before we get into this, there are many passages that mention marriage and the spouse or husband. The bible is neutral in its deliverance of love both ways in the marriage. It will be difficult to love like Jesus did for the church, as he sacrificed himself for her. But we may make our own sacrifices and love unconditionally, as he does (notice the tense). This is a mindset that is slow and progressive. The question is, how often do we make sacrifices? Is affection showered only when we feel good and things are going well? Or, is there distance because emotions are high and there’s an unwillingness to communicate at that moment and still shower each other with affection? My grandmother told me to never go to bed upset for you never know if you’d see them again. This is the reason I say “I Love You” before going to sleep, every night. This verse sets the standard for husbands, as they are called to imitate the love of Christ in their relationship with their wives.

_{What are God’s intentions?}

• In the biblical context, the relationship between a husband and wife is considered sacred and is designed to reflect God’s love and commitment to His people. He willingly laid down His life for the church, demonstrating the extent of His love and commitment. In the same way, husbands are called to give themselves entirely to their wives, prioritizing their needs above their own.
• A husband’s love should be selfless, putting his wife’s needs, desires, and well-being before his own. This means actively seeking to understand her desires, dreams, and goals and supporting her in achieving them. It involves being attentive to her emotional, spiritual, and physical needs and consistently acting in ways that communicate love, care, and appreciation.
  

• A husband’s love is characterized by sacrificial action. Sacrificial love requires making choices that prioritize the well-being of one’s spouse, even when it requires personal sacrifice. These sacrifices may involve giving up personal desires, time, or resources for the sake of the relationship. Sacrificial love is not based on convenience or self-interest but on a genuine desire to see one’s wife flourish and grow.
• A husband’s love should be unconditional, mirroring God’s unconditional love for His people. It means loving one’s wife not because of what she does or doesn’t do but simply because she is. It is a love that remains steadfast and unwavering despite challenges, disappointments, and mistakes.
• A husband must cultivate open and honest communication to love their wives as God intends. Effective communication is vital for understanding and meeting the needs of one’s spouse. It involves active listening, seeking to understand without judgment, and expressing oneself with kindness and respect. Through open communication, husbands can create an emotional safety and intimacy atmosphere in which their wives feel valued, understood, and supported.
• A husband’s love should be characterized by spiritual leadership. God entrusts husbands responsible for leading their families in faith and spiritual growth. This involves actively pursuing a relationship with God, studying His Word, and leading by example. A husband’s spiritual leadership should inspire his wife to grow closer to God and create an environment where both spouses can flourish in their spiritual journey.
• A husband’s love should also be characterized by humility. Humility is the recognition that one’s own needs and desires are not always the most important. It involves putting aside pride and ego to prioritize the well-being and happiness of one’s spouse. Humility allows a husband to approach his wife with a servant’s heart, seeking to serve and support her in any way possible.
• A husband’s love should be characterized by forgiveness. In any relationship, mistakes and misunderstandings are bound to happen. However, a husband’s love should be quick to forgive and slow to hold grudges. Just as God forgives us for our shortcomings, husbands should extend this same forgiveness to their wives. Holding onto resentment or harboring bitterness creates division and distance within the marriage. By choosing forgiveness, husbands can foster an atmosphere of grace, understanding, and reconciliation.
• A husband’s love should be characterized by patience. Marriage is a journey that involves growth, change, and challenges. There will be times when spouses may disappoint or frustrate each other. However, a husband’s love should be patient, allowing room for growth and understanding. Patience means giving each other time and space to learn and improve. It means being supportive and encouraging during difficult seasons and trusting that God works in both individuals to strengthen the marriage.
  
  To summarize, a God-centered marriage requires husbands to love their wives with humility, forgiveness, and patience. By embodying these qualities, husbands can cultivate a loving and nurturing environment within their marriage. The relationship between a husband and wife is considered sacred and is designed to reflect God’s love and commitment to His people. God’s intention for a husband is to love his wife selflessly, sacrificially, and unconditionally, just as Christ loves the church. A husband’s duty is to mirror the sacrificial, selfless, and unconditional love that Christ has for the church. As we strive to reflect God’s love and commitment, husbands can create a robust, vibrant relationship that honors and glorifies Him.

God Bless

Here is a wonderful Audible relating to this topic.

Also, here is a blog from Radical.net. Another from DesiringGod.org.